Are These 4 Insecurities Destroying Your Budget?

Are These 4 Insecurities Destroying Your Budget?

– Our insecurities are the worst, but we’ve all got them. So, in this episode, I’ll
show you how to keep them from costing you time, stress and money. (upbeat music) Alright, today we’re going to talk about the motivation behind why we spend money. You may not be aware,
but certain insecurities have an effect on the way you spend. So, in this episode, we’re going to be talking about insecurities in several areas of our lives. I’m going to be talking to my friend and relationship expert Dr. Les Parrott about insecurities people
come across in marriage. I’ll be interviewing someone who fell into the trap
that so many of us do, where she was spending
thousands of dollars to impress other people. And we’re going to talk about the number one insecurity
for a lot of women out there. Alright, listen, we all deal
with this in a variety of ways. Some people buy houses they can’t afford to impress people they don’t even know or go on a shopping spree to buy clothes to make them
feel good about themselves. There are so many different
motivations behind our spending, and we just need to be aware of them. And we all struggle with insecurities, doesn’t mean there’s
anything wrong with us, it’s actually very normal, but normal can drain our bank account. For instance, I read an article in the New York Times last month, you guys, it was insane. And it’s kind of an extreme
example of all of this, but it was a true story. There was a couple, they
went on their honeymoon, and they came back from their honeymoon and they almost got divorced
because of it, okay? Because the entire time on the honeymoon, the woman in the relationship there was like freaking out about every sunset and she had to get in the
ocean, and she had to pose. It was like this whole vacation, this whole honeymoon full of
nightmares for her husband. Her husband said it was one of the most
miserable weeks of his life, because he didn’t feel
like they had a honeymoon. He felt like they were
chasing around sunsets to have pictures of something that was not even going to be
published in a magazine, but for her to post on Instagram. Now, again, kind of extreme, but there’s a lot of people that post a lot of pictures
on their honeymoon, which, I’m not saying that’s terrible, but, you guys, it got to the point so bad, that they got home and they
almost got divorced. They said it was for a number of reasons, and I was like, “Uh, yeah, because she’s
probably a little bit . . .” You know what I mean? But it just was terrible. And then there was another couple they highlighted in the
article who lived in London. And one of their favorite places to go was the countryside of England, and so they planned their honeymoon there, and they could afford 10 days there. Ten days, have a great honeymoon
in a place they loved. But she said that when
people started asking her where they were going on their honeymoon, she told them where and
everyone was like, “Oh.” They just weren’t impressed. And because of people’s reactions, she changed their honeymoon destination to go to Italy instead. And they could only
afford to go five nights, and they stayed at this terrible Airbnb that didn’t even have air conditioning. And it was like a loft,
so the way the ceiling was and the way the bed was, they said they couldn’t even
have sex on their honeymoon because they couldn’t even sit up in bed. Guys, all because of other
people’s expectations and what she wanted to
portray on Instagram. And she even said that she would look at
restaurants around their Airbnb and look at the menu to figure out, okay, will the food be really pretty that I can post on Instagram,
and that’s where I want to go. That was her motivation behind what restaurant she was
going to—on their honeymoon! It’s crazy where we
have gotten in our world with social media, and it’s so hard because everyone’s highlight
reels are so visible, right? And what it can do is
amplify our own insecurities. So, what you have to focus on is what really matters in your life, okay? What really matters. And a lot of that comes
with being content. Being content with where you are. This is going to be huge, because
when you’re not content, your insecurities are going to
flare up, and more than likely you’re going to end up spending more money. So, that’s one of the reasons I wrote “The Contentment Journal.” You guys, if you have not checked
it out, make sure you do. You can start reading for free, make sure to click the
link in the show notes, because finding contentment is extremely important in this process. Alright, let’s talk about
another area of insecurity that some of us have. (piano music) Alright, when it comes to being a woman, one of the biggest
insecurities that we have is all of this, right? Body image to skin, hair, clothes, my gosh we put so much
pressure on ourselves for our outward appearance. Brené Brown did a study and
found that 90% of women, 9 out of 10 of them,
feel shame about their body. Women spend over $3,700 on
beauty products every year. And one of the most
popular apps for your phone lets you actually edit
your face for selfies. Man, okay, here’s the deal, there’s nothing wrong with
taking care of yourself, okay, but are you spending money
for the wrong reasons? Listen, being preggo here and having two other
babies, this being my third, you know, things happen to the body when you grow a baby inside you, people. And I was looking at
this maternity website, it’s a very popular one, I’m not going to say it, because
I don’t want to shame them, but they have a clothing
line for after the baby and it’s called, Bounce Back Body clothing line? I was like, “I’m sorry, what if my body doesn’t bounce back?” What if it changes forever? Are we okay with that? And for some people,
we’re not okay with that, which makes me so sad. We celebrate celebrities who are
walking around in their bikinis like two days after having
a baby, and it’s on the news and that’s what’s celebrated. So can we just say out loud,
people, that that’s not normal. And people that do that, I mean, good for them, good for them sure, but they have a team of people, okay? So, it is not normal, doctors even say it takes a year to get your body back after your baby, if it does come back, sometimes
(slaps legs) it doesn’t. And we’re all going to be
okay with that, okay? The beauty and health industry
is a billion-dollar industry. So there’s every kind
of cream, pill, product to make you feel better about yourself. Now, again, taking care of
yourself and being healthy, there is nothing wrong with that. If anything, I would encourage that. It makes you feel better, but spending money for the sole purpose of keeping up with others
will not fix your insecurities. In fact, it’s going to
continue to magnify them. I mean, we could do a
whole series on this topic. I can bring in experts, we
can talk about all this, but, just to speak as your money BFF, your money friend here, I don’t want you spending money based off of those insecurities. And sometimes the best
way to check your heart is to check your bank account. So, I’m going to challenge you, go back and look at last
month’s transactions and see if there were
times that you spent money either because you were
insecure in a situation or maybe because you
were comparing yourself to someone else. It might be a really interesting
exercise. It’s a good one. I did this. It’s kind of convicting. I’m not going to lie. It’s really good. You need to do it. Alright, coming up next is a guest who was comparing herself to others while draining her bank account. – I felt (sighs) confused,
like I was missing something, missing the boat on something,
God’s calling on my life. I was about $40,000 in debt. I was trying to fill a hole with things, with material things. Handbags, jewelry, shoes,
sunglasses, watches, and I would purchase things,
realizing I didn’t need them and then spend the entire
weekend returning all of them. But the feeling that I
would get would be happiness and kind of that gratification for a moment, and then I’d all of a sudden feel the weight of the world back on me. I realized that I wasn’t living the life that God wanted me to live, and it was something that I
needed to dig into deeper. I needed to know kind of why
I was feeling that way, what were things I was trying to suppress. The childhood stuff,
needing to people please, and impress people, and be
perfect, and look perfect. When I started Financial
Peace, I felt a peace. It was a peace that I literally cannot, I cannot put into words. I felt the Holy Spirit wash over me. My money started to change. I was in control this time, because I was submitting it to God first. It’s all His anyway, so I’m
just, I’m a steward of it. – Lacy, thanks for being here. – Thanks for having me. – And sharing your story. So, your story, it’s amazing. So unpack a little bit of it for me and just kind of how your
spending habits have, where it kind of began
and where you are today. – So it started when I was younger, but I think it got hot and
heavy when I was about 18 or 19, when I got my first credit card. I remember actually driving in a car that was probably less expensive than the sunglasses I had on at the time, so, yeah, that was an eye-opener for me. But it started young, and looking back it was a lot of just trying to fill a void
and trying to impress people. – Absolutely, so, were
you around, your friends and kind of the group
you kind of hung around, would you say were pretty affluent, like you felt like you had
to keep up this appearance because of the people you were around? Does that make sense? – Yes, yes, I would say, yes. – Absolutely, well, it’s an issue I feel like we struggle
with, so many people right? In this culture, in this
world today, I mean it’s constant. And so, for you though, racking up a lot of credit
card debt, $40,000 right? And you kind of hit a
point that you’re like, “Okay, something has to change.” Emotionally, in your
heart, and financially. You’re like, “I don’t
want to keep doing this over and over again.” So tell me a little bit about that, what was that breaking point for you? – I would say when I was at
my hometown church in Houston. He was doing a relationship series and for some reason that all aligned. It was about becoming the person the person you’re looking
for is looking for, good old Andy Stanley. – [Rachel] That’s good, yes. – But that actually opened the
door for the financial bit. I always knew I needed to get it together, I just, I couldn’t. And of course, I would
feel bad about that, then I would spend more, then
I would return everything, and then I would . . . it was a lovely cycle. – So when you were in that
cycle, what would that look like? You’d go out, you’d go shopping, you said you’d return stuff, so walk me through just that, I’m just curious what
that looked like for you. – Yes, I would, after work on a Friday, I would be feeling a certain way, now that I look back, I know what it was, just you know, feeling bad about that day, feeling like I didn’t do enough. I needed something to
fill that void, that hole. And so I would go to good old T.J. Maxx,
and HomeGoods and Target, where I’m not allowed to go anymore, actually no, I can go there
now, I can go there now, because I’ve got strength
that I didn’t have before. But I would go and I would
spend money on things that “I could afford,” because
I made plenty of money, but I really couldn’t afford, didn’t need, and then realize in the morning I had to wake up and return all of it. And I would go out of my way
to go to different stores that weren’t those stores to return, because I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed. I felt ashamed. – No absolutely, and I think
that that’s such a great picture, it’s such a great example of what we deal with in our world today. So take even the money piece out of it, but the emotional side,
we really do believe that stuff is going to make us happy and that it is going to fulfill us. If I just have this new thing. And I say that to myself
sometimes, you know, I mean I can fall into that. It’s so funny though because I’m like, “You know that’s not true.” You said within a few hours you’d be like, “Okay, that was it. I
need to go return it now.” It’s like the high is over. And so, talk to me about people
that they’re kind of like scratching that itch for
themselves constantly, and they’re constantly buying things. What would you say to someone, if that’s kind of their story? – Well, I would say that God’s going to be the only thing that’s going to fill that hole. That’s the truth. And then everything else aligns, literally, everything else aligns. So, I would just say
that they’re not alone, that there’s so many other
people out there like them. I know I felt like that,
that I was the only one and I was embarrassed, I
thought I had it all together, but behind closed doors,
I knew that I didn’t. I’d lie to myself and
tell myself certain things and come to find out, the older I got, I realized all those other people were going through the same thing I was. They were dealing and
doing the same thing I was. Playing a part, filling a void. And some people filled
it in different ways, but yeah, it’s been a journey. It’s been a beautiful
journey I wouldn’t take back. – Absolutely, well, on this show, I feel like we talk a lot about
the tactical side of money. Of paying off debt, and
getting on a budget, and getting control, and all of that, but money’s usually the
symptom of other things, right? Of deeper issues, kind
of what you were saying, and I feel like we all have
tendencies to medicate, but you have to get to
the root and the problem. And the problem’s different for everyone, and everyone’s looks different, and yours happened to
be just spending money to medicate in that way. But for people out there, I think that’s just such a
good reminder of like, dig into yourself, right? And your story and know
where that comes from because once you can solve
that root, like you’re saying, and then you get these tactical
principles on top of it, then you can start to make progress. So, getting tactical, so you
had $40,000, you decided to go to
Financial Peace University. Yes, okay tell me about that. – Oh gosh, a legit godsend. I couldn’t come up with a better name for Financial Peace than
just that, Financial Peace, because it’s exactly what
it gave me and from day one. It’s something that I
want everybody to feel, so I’m grateful for the opportunity. – Yeah, that’s so awesome and you’ve paid down how much debt so far? – $7,200. – $7,200, girl,
you’re like killing it. – Yeah, more to go. – Do you feel the traction? – Yes, I do, I do, I do, yes, it’s kind of bananas looking back. – You’re doing it girl, you’re killing it, come back on when you’re debt-free, so we can celebrate. – Oh I will, do the scream, yes. – Yes, yeah, yeah, we’ll celebrate. So awesome, well thanks Lacy. – Thank you so much. (upbeat music) – Well, you guys, wasn’t Lacy great? Seriously, I love it. She was able to tackle her debt and start creating a life that she loved, simply by getting on a plan. Now a big part of that plan is securing your family’s future. This includes planning for the unexpected, and that’s where term
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and get a quote today. Alright, coming up next,
I’m bringing on my friend and relationship expert Dr. Les Parrott who is going to talk about how insecurities are costing
you in your marriage. Les, thanks for being here. – Always good to be with you, girl. – Always fun. – Super fun. – We’re usually on the road. – I was going to say, we’ve
been out changing the world, trying to help people
in their married life with their money, right? – I know, it’s been good, it’s been good. Okay, question for you, this episode is all about insecurities and how our insecurities
can sometimes cause– – I’m probably not qualified
to talk about this, I feel very insecure
about those questions. – (laughs) Speak out of
your own experience then. – (laughs) Yes, I can actually. We all have insecurities, right? – Yes, I know, totally. – Nobody’s immune, that’s
just a part of life. But yeah, how does that impact– – Marriage, because you’re
the marriage expert, so when you’re counseling
couples, or teaching, or studying on the subject, how do you see that affect your marriage? – You’ve heard me say this so many times, but it’s worth repeating in my mind, because your marriage,
really any relationship, but your marriage can only
be as healthy as you are. – Yeah. – If you want to eradicate insecurity, you’ve got to get a lock on, what I call your profound significance. And it’s, you know, if we
don’t get a lock on that, we are continually trying
to find our significance in places that won’t ever give it to us. So, insecurity, that’s why I love this show that you’re doing, it’s so vital to so many
things in our lives, but certainly when it comes to marriage. You just can’t have a healthy relationship until you get a handle on that. And like I said, for me, it comes down to understanding that God loves you like nobody else could ever love you. – Yes, which is so crucial, because I’m like, you
have two imperfect people coming into a relationship, right? And so having that foundation
of that healthiness is so huge. So I’m just curious, off
the top of your head, what are the top insecurities
you see with women and also then with men? Are they different, as a
psychologist, a doctor if you will? – (laughs) As you called
me once, a real doctor. – (laughs) I know,
one time I was like, “Les, it’s not like you’re
a doctor or something.” Then I was like, “Oh no, you are. You’re Dr. Les Parrott.” – Just went to graduate school
for eight years, that’s all. But, for women this is no
surprise, but it’s body image. The biggest insecurities, and there’s been dramatic studies on that, even with supermodels, it
just seems like a thing. And guys often feel, you know, they can suffer from body image stuff too, but not to the same degree, but it’s usually what’s my worth? What am I providing? Those are the big insecurities,
the big gender difference. – So we talk a lot about
comparison on this show and comparison fuels insecurity, because you have this measuring stick that you feel like you’re not measuring up to what you’re seeing on social media. But do you see comparisons
affecting marriages? – All the time. And the
more insecure you are, the more comparisons there are. And you think about it, think about the healthiest
people you know that don’t suffer from
too much insecurity. They’re not looking around and “Oh man, I wish we were more like this or more like those people. Or we had that, or we got
that vacation or whatever.” And that’s why I love,
you know, this book, it just happens to be
here on your own set. – Oh what’s that Les? (laughs) – No, we didn’t plan this, but this is so true, “Love
Your Life, Not Theirs.” That’s all about, if you think about it, it’s about stepping outside
of that insecure lifestyle so that you can be comfortable and content in who you are in a relationship. The happiest people on
this planet are content because they don’t think, “Man, I wish I could be more like them, or have more of that, or have that house, or have that boat, or whatever.” And so, the comparison thing, you’re just asking for trouble, you’re playing with fire
when it comes to comparisons. – Totally, and a lot of comparison
happens on social media, so what would you say to one couple that maybe they’re
fighting about social media and one person, one
spouse spends so much time on social media and the other doesn’t. – So I just read this study that shows that couples that are the happiest have incredibly thick
boundaries around social media. – Interesting, Winston Cruze
will be very happy (laughs) that we’re talking about this right now. – So, and it’s not just
putting boundaries around, oh we need rules, I don’t mean
kind of boundaries like that, it’s you find your groove with it in a way that honors your spouse so they don’t feel like I’m playing second fiddle
in this relationship because she or he’s
really married to that phone and all that social media. – Okay, so you talk a
lot about fighting well, like having a good fight. And so, I love that because
some couples believe, “Oh, well we never fight so we
have a great marriage.” Where that’s kind of the opposite, that means you’re probably
not really digging in. So talk about conflict, I just want to know, conflict in general, your thoughts on it. – Yeah, so, conflict is so important, because, as you’ve heard
me say it so many times, it’s the price we pay
for better connection. It’s the admission to a good relationship. – So good. Conflict is the
price you pay for intimacy. Is what I’ve heard you say,
I’m like, oh, that’s so good. That’s such a good quote. – It’s true because the goal
is not to avoid conflict. If you do that you’re going to
walk around on eggshells and nobody’s going to be
genuine with each other. The goal is to be able to express whatever it is that you’re
not in agreement with or what have you, and
still honor your spouse, and be understood and understanding. And those kinds of fights are good. – Yeah, so good, so interesting. So, we’ll end by this, I’m just curious, as we were doing these questions for you, I was like, oh, I just want to know, so it’s more out of my curiosity, what are the top three things that create a healthy marriage? – Alright, well, one is awareness. I think there’s this idea that you can just kind of
go float through life and you’re just in love
and that’s all you need. No, no, no, you’ve got to be aware of the emotional landscape around you, which involves you and this
other person and that awareness. And by the way, you know
we have an assessment, it’s called Better Love, that is all about creating
awareness for couples. – So good, Winston and I
took it, it’s awesome, yes. –, you go online,
you answer a few questions, generates this little 10-page report that is really a customized
road map for your relationship. And so, anyway, I think
awareness has got to top, be near the top of the list for me. A second is empathy. Seeing the world from somebody else’s
perspective and vice versa. And when you have two people
that are both working on that, life doesn’t get much sweeter. – Yeah, it’s good. – So awareness, and then empathy, and then old faithful, communication, how in the world do you
have a good relationship without having great conversations? – So good. – [Les] That’s the challenge. – Les, thanks for coming on. – It’s good to be with you. (hands clap) – Always a pleasure, so fun. Okay, we’ve been talking about our event, Money & Marriage,
you guys, it’s a blast. – I know, and I’m excited
because Valentine’s we’re going to do this again,
right here in Nashville. Money & Marriage, talk about an ideal Valentine date for
couples. It’s going to be a blast. – I know, you guys, so we’ll
put a link in the show notes, click on it because
it’s Valentines weekend and there’s going to be a
whole weekend experience here in Nashville, like a whole thing, so make sure to check it out. He talks marriage. I talk money. It’s a fun event. It’s great, it’s great. Les, thanks again. – Alright, thank you. (upbeat music) – Oh, Dr. Les Parrott always
has great advice, always. Well, thanks so much to him
and Lacy for coming on today, and I know the things that we
talked about in today’s show can be a little uncomfortable at times, but, it’s such an important topic and this is the kind of stuff that makes a big impact in your life. And now I’d love for you to subscribe and listen to the podcast of the show if you haven’t already. So make sure to check that out. And as always, remember to
take control of your money and create a life you love.

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10 Replies to “Are These 4 Insecurities Destroying Your Budget?”

  1. GREAT VIDEO RACHEL! Yes, you cannot WIN with a budget IF you are concerned about what OTHER PEOPLE think 🤔 | Your budget is unique for your life and family and you have to make the best decisions for your family REGARDLESS of what others around you think or do | That’s what I teach on my channel! GREAT VIDEO RACHEL! 😎👍🏻

  2. I have to limit how much I spend on my significant other. I often want to buy her things to "make life easier" that I live without regularly. It's like having a shopping problem but validating it as gift giving.

  3. Interstate 40 west and east, Maryland to Memphis, twice a week, I think about Mr Dave and Mrs Rachel ❤️❤️❤️❤️😁❤️❤️❤️

  4. "Doesn't even have air condition" 😀 That's so funny to hear as a European. We don't need air condition 🙂 Most people over here don't even like it, because it might be too cold, there is always an air stream and you often get a cold because of it.

  5. At work women are constantly admiring each other's high end purses we're talking 2K at least . On the other hand here I am grateful and thankful of what I have it's simple and very functional and by the way I'm completely debt free 🙂

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