Color Full Lives Season 5 | Ep. 5: Things I Wish I Knew Before Having Kids | State Farm®

Color Full Lives Season 5 | Ep. 5: Things I Wish I Knew Before Having Kids | State Farm®


(“State Farm Jingle”) – Welcome to all new
episode of Color Full Lives, presented by State Farm. This season, we’re
focusing on all the things we wish we knew before major life events. In this week’s episode, we’re going to dig into all the things you should
know before having kids. Does anybody ever truly
feel ready to have kids? Probably not, but there
are definitely some steps you could take to help
secure your family’s future, and they should also give
you some more confidence while facing the unknown. Now, Tonya is our resident money momma. (laughing) AKA she’s the only one
of us that has children. So, she’ll be taking the lead
in this week’s discussion. – Well?
– Ah yeah, I’m the only one who did that thing. – Well said, well, to kick it off, Tonya, a small question, but what are
some of the biggest lessons you’ve learned since having a kid? – [Angela] I think you
could talk for hours. – How much time do you got? – [Aminatou] The show is four hours. – You know, like no matter how
much you think you planned, there’s always gonna be something
that you didn’t plan for when it comes to having children. I mean, I think that we were as prepared as most people could be to have Karris, but there were just, you know, I tallied up how much I spent on Karris like the first three weeks of his life. And it added up to like, $4000. – Okay.
– Wow. – Like yeah, and I mean, that’s because I’m an extra mom too. So, I have to admit I’m extra, and there’s some things that
I probably didn’t have to do that I chose to do or
like some things like, we ended up, so, we ended up
buying an entirely new bed set, bedroom set and everything else, and getting rid of our old one because Karris did not like
sleeping in his basinet that he had, and it
was just so many things that I wasn’t expecting. We brought in help
around the six week mark. I thought I could have made it longer but sleep deprivation is real. – Right.
– Yeah. – And so I wanted support, we
just, it was more expensive, that was one thing, like
it was more expensive than I realized it would have been. So I would advise
someone to save even more than they think they need, because yeah. – What about before Karris came? What were some of those expensive, as you were getting ready?
– Oh yeah, so you know as a black woman we’ve heard that black
women have the highest maternal mortality statistics, regardless of education,
class, income level, et cetera, and so for me
it was really important to have a supported birth, so I hired a midwife, and I had my OB-GYN. – Wow.
– Wow. – And so we paid for our
midwife out of pocket, like that wasn’t covered by our insurance. Paid for out of pocket. We took birthing classes. So we took the 12 week birthing classes. Those weren’t cheap. And then there were just other things that we decided to do to prepare ourselves for his arrival, which I’m so happy I did because I ultimately had
the birth that I wanted. – Right.
– Yeah. – And that’s what led to
me creating the nonprofit because I had the birthing
experience I wanted but there was one point
when I was in delivery and there’s this time called transition where your body is
preparing, you’re getting fed all these endorphins and
everything to help you with the pain of childbirth and so forth, and so there’s this rush of hormones, and my body literally started shaking. Like I started shaking, my
teeth started chattering. – [Angela] Oh my gosh. – And I remember looking at my midwife like oh my god, am I dying? Is this happening? Like is this what happens
when people die in childbirth? And she was like, no
you’re absolutely fine. You’re in transition. But like, her being able to reassure me made me feel comfortable. And I think that that could
have been a turning point between me being anxious and shutting down during childbirth, and be being like okay my body is doing what it needs to do, let’s do this. And allowed me to progress. So that was one of the best investments, was investing in birth
education and support. – How did you decide also
what you were gonna do for maternity leave? Because you’re your own boss. – [Tonya] As an entrepreneur. – Yes.
– Yeah. So last year, I was– – Did you give yourself time off? – I did. I ended up taking, so
last year I was flying around the country,
collecting all the bags, no. (laughing) I was flying around just really like– – We saw you working. – Yeah, I was working.
– Okay. – Like Karris flies well now I think because I flew so much then, but just really saving
money, paying off everything that we could pay off,
just really getting ahead of our finances, and saving money. Estab my team, that was really important, was getting my, me and
my team worked together for about two months
to get them up to speed so that I could step back and the business the bottom wouldn’t
fall out of my business. – Right. – So I ended up going on maternity leave. So it’s funny, I was looking
at my emails afterwards, I went into labor on Thanksgiving Eve. – Wow. – And I wasn’t supposed to go into labor until the following week. And so I had a campaign that
I was supposed to launch the day I went into labor. – You like wait until the worst– – I was blinded. And I responded, they
were like, do you think you could get the post out today? And I was like, “So I’m
in labor right now.” (laughing) And they were like, oh my god! – We can wait. – They’re like the post
can absolutely wait. – Literally worked that
we had a Black Friday sale for My Fab Finance, literally worked up until the last minute,
and I ended up staying out, I stayed off the road until
May of the following year, and I took maternity leave for my business completely until March. I just have so much more respect for women, I mean I’ve
always respected women, I am a woman, I’ve always
loved being a woman and having my friendships,
and valued them, but it just took it to
a whole other level. – Right. Going through what you went through and knowing what it takes. – Yeah, and my mom. – Right. – Like, my mom it was
like, you did that for me? You know, you did that? So, it definitely transformed
my business, my life, and my availability,
and also my tolerance. – Well, one thing I wanna talk about also is I love looking at kids’ clothes, right. I have no babies, but
I enjoy shopping for, I have four godchildren,
I have like 19 cousins, so I love looking at stuff for kids. So let’s talk about birthday
gifts, holiday gifts, for your son and for
other loved ones as well. How do you set limits and
how do you set a budget for something like that? – I mean, it’s so easy to spend so much on children’s clothes, because
compared to our clothes, you’re like what? 6.99? You know, it seems like
a drop in the bucket and then you realize they
can only wear it one time. But I think as far as setting limits, I’m not that good at setting limits. (laughing) I’m not gonna lie. – She’s keeping it real.
– I’m not gonna lie. – Well tell us the
truth, tell us the truth. – I became financially secure
so I could do what I wanted. No, but no. I am very intentional about not buying him extravagant gifts and so forth. I want him to have more
worth in his 529 plan, and his savings, I want
him to have more set aside in his bank account than
he has in his nursery. – Right. – So, you know, and as far as my father, like when they ask what can we buy him? So and so and so, like
Easter they want to buy him an Easter basket. I was like, he doesn’t
even know what a egg is. He doesn’t even know. – He’s not gonna remember this. – Put the money in his 529 plan, and so I was really happy that by the time he was six months, he had
$2000 put aside in it. And we just put the money, you know we just put money in there, and I think that people have to do what makes sense for them, but you also have to
realize these children are gonna grow up, and I
think you have to ask yourself a lot of people, did what
your parents do for you work, or what do you wish they
would have done differently? And for me, the thing I wish
my parents would have done differently is saved towards my education and had something for me financially when I graduated from college. – Right. – And so that’s what I’m
working towards with Karris on. Our limitations are
what’s within our budget, and I think everybody
should consider that. I just hate when I see children who have an amazing wardrobe and they
have all this designer stuff and I’m like, well have you got, do they own any stock? Do they have a bank account? Do they have money set aside in savings? What kind of assets have you
purchased for this child? Because these sneakers,
they can’t wear past the next two months is
not an asset for them. – Yeah, and I think
it’s good too, you know, because I have so many cousins, I have so many, just all of my friends are having children right now, and I think that also
I have to remind myself all the time that there are
ways that I can give to them that don’t have to be material. – Yes, that’s what this has
made me think about that, because I love spoiling
the kids with things that– – I know. – Their parents would
probably never buy them. – [Tonya] Yeah. – And I’m like, okay I’m
gonna get this and that. And this–
– I’m the Hot Wheels auntie. I’m like, I will always give them to you. – [Tonya] It still comes in moderation. They’re still a kid, you know. – Right, but you know, one of my friend’s kids recently who I really love, I
was thinking about what I could give them, because
they also have a lot, and I was like, you
don’t need one more toy. And making a charitable contribution to a charity that they
cared about in his name, that was something that
they ended up telling me was really touching to them. – Oh yeah.
– Oh yeah. – You know, and I think that it also, it just like teaches that you
can give different things. – Yeah. – And there are friends’ kids who like, I’ve bought stock for
them, because as like you, I want financial literacy
to be part of your life. And this is a way that we can
have this conversation later. You could be like, oh my
aunt so and so got me bonds, or she bought me this
stock when I was young, and then we just keep up with it, but so I really appreciate that you talk about the 529 account,
because it’s so important to save for the future. – And I think we could
give to parents, too. You know, honestly– (laughing) Honestly, honestly. – Make a plug for your mom registry. What do you need? – You never used to say
this until you had Karris. – After his first birthday,
if you guys wanna send me a birth day gift, I
will gladly receive it. But no, it really did make, I realized what people go through
adjusting to having a child, and one of the scariest moments of my life is when I took him home,
because I was like, oh my gosh, I have to
keep this human alive. Like, this is some, I could go to jail if something happens to him. Like, I have to keep him alive. It is my responsibility, and now I look at him, when
he gets his first birthday, this is my birth day. Like, this is the day I became a mother. And so even when I have other friends and its their child’s first birthday, I’m like happy birth day. – Right.
– Yeah. – Because that was the day
that your life changed as well, and you know, I always
give my parents a gift on my birthday, just like, thank you. Thank you for making my life possible. – That’s so nice. – Thank you for everything you’ve done. And I just hope Karris one
day gives me birth day. – He will definitely be
giving you some presents. – He’ll hear this, and he’ll
definitely do it for you. – Hopefully you’re watching this. This episode is dedicated to Karris. – I know, you know, but I
also think in that same vein, I have a lot of friends
who have adopted kids, and I also noticed that
people do not celebrate the adoptive parents. – That’s a big deal! – And so I think that just
remembering that families come in every size, shape–
– Yes. – Everything, and that– – This is the day you
became a parent, you know? – It’s so important to celebrate that. – And I think, I don’t
know, is there anything that your parents did
for you guys financially that it makes you say, you know what? This is something I’d like to continue on. – [Angela] No. No, I’m kidding.
(all laughing) – I think that with my
parents, I remember a lot that my dad used to talk
about how much money he made, and he would tell us about the bills that we had as children. He never did it in a way to like shame us, but I just remember being like, oh yeah, my father like supports us,
and he does it in this way, because he would always explain our financial situation to us. And I think that when you’re a kid, sometimes it’s really
tough, because we’re like I want this, or I want that. And he would say well it’s like you know one of the reasons our
vacation is smaller this year is because we’re trying to plan for X Y Z, and I think that as I got
older I really appreciated that a lot. I was like, I don’t think
most of my friends know how much money their parents
made when they were kids. – Yeah, I definitely didn’t know. – And I was like, I knew that. I was like, very, very aware of it. And I just really
appreciated that it was done in a way that it just gave me a scope of how much life cost,
and it wasn’t like a, you know, they didn’t
use it like as a tool to make you feel bad. So I think that was really good. And also, my dad was
really big about saving. I had a piggy bank as
soon as I could hold one. – [Tonya] Yeah. – And you know, we also
grew up very not comfortable when I was young, and I
remember having to sometimes we gotta take money out of the piggy bank to pay for our own things,
or for doing things. And I just think that the younger you are, the more you understand what money is and what it can and cannot do, it will save you a lot
of pain down the road. – And I think that’s the
biggest thing I preach is that money isn’t everything,
but it gives you options. And whether that is as an
adult when you graduate from college or as a parent, or as someone who is expecting to grow
your family, it gives you the option of what you want
that experience to look like. And I think financial
security, yes we want to schmoney team because– (laughing) It also enhanced it enhances the quality of our life but it really does allow you to live life on your terms, and really, I remember at one point my doctor, my insurance wasn’t going
to cover a certain test, and he was like, do you still wanna do it? And you know, I was like yeah. We’ll pay for it out of pocket. But for someone else,
it might have been like well we can’t afford it. – We can’t. Right. – You know, so it gives you
to option to experience life and these transitional
experiences on your terms, but it gives our children
options to experience graduation or maybe there’s a school
they want to go to, or maybe they want to take a gap year and there’s a scholarship that
they won’t be able to receive because they have to go
to school immediately, or something of that nature,
but it gives them the option to live life on their terms, too, and I think that’s a gift. – I just remember my
parents arguing about money all the time, but not
really discussing it, like they were arguing about bills, and I know for sure my
dad was making more money than my mom, and he would
make her feel bad about it, and they would just be
arguing about what bills weren’t getting paid, who
was using the credit card, and why is this credit card bill so high? And then my mom hiding
things that she was buying. – Mm-hmm
(laughing) – She would leave everything in the trunk, and then when my dad went
to sleep or something she would sneak the bags in the house (laughing) – Like he’s not gonna see the bill. – Right.
– Like, okay mom. – So it was just things like that. But we never had conversations
about money, ever. And I wish we would have,
because it would have helped me when I went to college
and when I started making my own little bit of money. – Do you have conversations
with them now about money? – I actually tell my mom,
let’s get your credit together, and she was so embarrassed to
send me all her information so I can pull her credit score. So I pulled it so I
could see what was on it that was negative, see what her score was, see how much she owed,
and she did not wanna, it took me like months
for me to get it from her. – It’s hard.
– So that I could talk to her. – It’s hard to talk about. – She would not give me her information. – Yeah, you know. I think our parents, we’re
growing up, your parents are your heroes, you know. And you start to look at them as adults, and you look at their mistakes,
and you then start to wonder like wow, they’re not as
awesome as I thought they were. (laughing) In all facets of life,
they’re humans just like me. They were figuring it
out, just like I am now. – Right, like your
parents were young once. Like, that’s what they need to know. – Yeah, your parents were young once. They made mistakes, and
I think it’s important to obviously talk to our own, or even elders, whether it’s
a aunt, uncle, grandparent, whoever, in our lives,
just to let them know it’s okay, it’s okay. – I took my mom on
vacation, right, for a week. And she wanted us to share a room. (laughing) And I was like, mom we really
don’t have to share a room. And she was like, no, but it’s expensive. Why would we get two rooms? I’m like mom, trust me. I can afford to get two rooms because I need to have
my sanity on this trip. (laughing) – I want to enjoy this trip with you. – I want to like you. – I need a break. – Like, young lady. You need your own room. – So we definitely did
that, but I do wish, like you said, as far as
putting aside some money for college, that would
have been something that happened to me when I was younger, and now is there a best time
to start saving for college, and what if you yourself are still hoping to go back to school? My mom had us, and she actually– – That’s a good question. – Really wanted to go to college, and she didn’t go to college. She lets us know this, because– – Oh, ’cause of– – My dad went to college, but my mom didn’t end up going to college, and that’s something that she
still regrets to this day. – Mm. Yeah, that can be challenging, like if I’m saving, am I
saving for my child’s college or am I going to college myself to get a better opportunity, or to grow, just improve my income earning potential. And I think that one of the good things is as a single parent, not a
single parent, but as a parent, or as a mother, sometimes
you do have scholarships available to you, so
don’t count yourself out. Look into what financial
assistance is out there available specifically for mothers, or people who have children,
or who are returning to school, or who are
nontraditional students. But I think that compounding interest, the beauty of that is that your money can continue to work for you,
continue to work for you, and maybe you can’t contribute regularly, but maybe you do receive,
you know, when you get your tax return, or you
receive a large sum of money, put that aside so maybe it is
not a regular contribution, it’s something, and
you put something aside that you can’t touch
that’s going to go towards your child’s future. And maybe it can’t cover
their entire tuition, but maybe it purchases their books. – [Angela] Right, anything helps. – Or their meal plan. Or something of that nature. Because college is expensive. – Yes. – And also who knows
what it’s gonna look like in 20 years, right? – Well education, yeah. I mean there’s a lot of pushback on what education looks like. But I think we’ll see
an evolving perspective of what it looks like to be successful, and the roads to success. I think that we’re gonna
see a big switch up of that as other generations graduate. And I’m happy that we’re at this point where there are so many
people I know in my own life who are very successful,
and didn’t go to college. – [Angela] Right. – And I think it gives other people hope, and gives them options if
they can’t afford college, or if their parents didn’t
put money aside for them, that debt is not the only way for them to be successful. – I do think that there
are some lines of work where college is necessary, obviously, like to go– – [Tonya] I need my
doctor to go to college. – Right. – [Tonya] I need a doctor, yes. (laughing) – You need to go to school, get that. – [Tonya] Need you to do that. – There’s definitely some
things that require that, but then of course, there’s other jobs that you don’t have to go to college for. And then I think, some people,
if you have the opportunity to go, it’s a good experience. – It is.
– Yeah. – And I know I appreciate the fact that I went to college,
even though I paid for it for like 12 years after. I wouldn’t not do it. – Yeah, but you also don’t
have to go into debt to go, you don’t have to go into
debt to go to college, right? I think that for a lot of
people, looking at options that are cheaper and
more affordable to you, it doesn’t mean that it’s
a lesser choice, right? – Like community college? – Community college is
a really, really, really important jumping-off
point for a lot of people. – [Tonya] It is. – And also, especially if you don’t know what you want to do, but you know that that’s maybe a track you want to be on, go to community college. And I would say that to somebody who wants to return to school, also. – Right. – You can go to your local college. You can call up your local university and say, hi I’m a continuing
education student. What are my options? What’s available? I think that not counting yourself out for financial reasons is really important, and also looking at all
the options that you have. You don’t have to pay $100,000
to get any kind of education. – Right. State colleges. And even if sometimes it’s your job. They’ll pay for you to
continue your education. – That’s big. – And you can, also
college is not the only form of education that you can have. Like you can be self-taught,
you can go to the library and see if there are programs
that you can do, you know. – There’s online degrees you can get also that are a lot less expensive. – I think that’s the biggest lesson that I want to impart on Karris is education doesn’t
stop in the classroom. Like it might start, and
actually I think education starts at home, to be honest. – Yeah, definitely. – But I don’t think that
it ends in the classroom, and it’s not limited to the classroom. – Yeah. – And so, regardless of your setting, always be looking for
opportunities to learn. And so while we’re putting
money aside for his future, my goal is that he can utilize that money to start a business, or
he can utilize that money to purchase his first property
or something of that nature because he’s figured out what
education looks like for him, and he’s able to use that
money towards something else. We do want another one,
so it’s like what do we do with the next one? (laughing) – Well, you’re a little more prepared. You already have some of the stuff. – Yeah, but now we have to
divvy all these resources to another child, possibly. – I think that’s great
to do it back to back. – I know. I know, and that– (laughing) You know, that’s really annoying. I have to say this. When you see a person who just had a baby, don’t ask them when the next
one is coming, because– (laughing) I promise, I was like suffering from PTSD. As beautiful as my birth
was, I was traumatized for the first two weeks. I was like, oh my gosh. I just went into battle with my body. And just let people settle in. – My mom was like, childbirth was the most excruciating painful
experience in my life. – It’s, nothing like it. There’s nothing anyone can do, and we spent all this money on classes, we had a great birth
team, but there’s nothing anyone can prepare you
for, for that experience. You know, and I’m sure other
experiences that you two have went through in your life. There’s like certain things,
nothing anybody tells you, no book that you read, can
prepare you for what it is like. – You just, you have to go through it. – You just have to do it. – But I think it’s also just
giving people the option to decide what they want
for themselves, right? And so it’s not about scaring
them about having a family, or not, it’s just what’s the
most prepared that you can be for a thing that you
can never prepare for? – [Tonya] Right. – Good luck. – Right, exactly. Just do what you can. Do what you can. – We’re talking a lot about having a baby in this week’s episode,
and we hope that sharing our perspective helps, but this podcast isn’t the only resource. There are nearly 19,000 State Farm agents all over the US who are
waiting to help protect what’s important to you, and guide you through major life milestones. For this week’s Ask an Agent segment, we reached out to Zanetta Harris Glover, who has an office in Newark, New Jersey, to get some practical
advice before having kids. – Hey ladies. This week I wanna focus on all you awesome working moms out there. I know it’s not always easy but you still make it
happen and power through. So how do you focus on something like saving for college tomorrow, when you’re worried about
paying for childcare today? Did you know that more
than 11 million US children under the age of five are in childcare? If your child is one of
them, the cost is likely a significant line item in your budget. However, when your child
begins elementary school and no longer requires full-time care, you’ll see a significant increase in your discretionary income each month. But before you convert
those childcare dollars into disposable income,
consider saving those funds for your child’s college education. After all, you’re already accustomed to living without the income. If you would like to save more towards your child’s education, consider an education savings plan for qualified higher education expenses. And for birthdays and
other special occasions have the grandparents contribute
money towards college. Your child will eventually outgrow toys, but a quality education lasts a lifetime. You might also wanna review
your life insurance needs and consider a State Farm
Life Insurance policy. This will ensure your
child could still afford to go to college if you
were to die prematurely. And for more tips and insight on saving for your child’s college education, talk to your local State Farm agent, and visit statefarm.com. (“State Farm Jingle”) – For the second half of today’s show, we’re joined by Yahya Smith. Hey, Yahya. – Hi!
– Hey! – She is the founder of
the Feminine Success School where she provides coaching
to help women flourish in all facets of their life. Well, thank you for joining
the show, of course, Yahya. – You’re welcome. – Now, to start us off, let us know what a feminine success
coach actually does. – So, as a feminine success coach, I really help women
stop choosing either or and say and. So if you want a marriage
or a relationship and a career, why choose? You can have both, and you can
make them work well together. – I love that. I love that. So with four kids and a busy career, do you believe in work life balance? Or like how do you make it all work? – [Yahya] I believe in work life harmony. – Oh. – I don’t believe in work life balance, because I can’t give the
same amount to everything all the time. But I do believe in harmonizing things. So I have a crib in my office so that I can watch my baby sleep while I’m working with my clients. So yeah. – [Tonya] Work life harmony. – Yes. – And then I know there
has to be some costs associated with that, right? You have the crib in the office, and then you also have
to have the nursery, everything has to be
soothing and comfortable, ’cause of course you want your baby to have that quality of life. – [Yahya] Of course. – As an infant also, so what are the costs associated with that? – Oh. Children in general cost, children definitely cost. (laughing) However, we try to keep
the costs to a minimum. We try to keep our
children engaged with life, and nature, and outside. So we definitely invest
in their education. We invest in our littlest baby, just making sure that she has everything that she needs. Insurance of course is a cost. 529 plans, which I learned
about through Tonya. That’s a cost. But I don’t look at it as a
cost as much as I look at it as an investment in my kids. – Yeah, definitely. And you have three boys and one girl. That, I mean, she’s
gonna have big brothers to look up to and so forth. – Oh, she’s the youngest? – Yes.
– Ooh, good for you. – Yeah, her baby is the girl. She’s like, it’s gonna be a tough road for some people. Because she has her own
team and her own tribe. – Yes.
– But that’s beautiful, too. – Well, thinking about costs, how do you make decisions
about being very conscious about the things that you buy? Do you read the labels on everything? Does it matter to you where
the kids’ toys are made, or the clothes that they wear? That kind of stuff? – [Angela] Or the food that they eat, too. – I am definitely the mom that is taking up room
on the grocery aisle. (laughing) Reading all the boxes,
reading all the labels. – [Tonya] You have to. – Making sure we have lots
of wooden toys in our home, so making sure that
they’re not using things that could potentially be toxic. – Right, like no lead
paint in any of the toys. – Lead paints and things like that, we’re very conscious about
where we’re buying toys from. I love handmade things,
and things from people who are thinking about
what they’re putting into their products,
but we also grow food. – [Tonya] Oh, beautiful. – So a lot of the things
that we could complain about, we just say how can we fix it? How can we make revolutionary choices? – So y’all doing farm to table? Like, y’all are farm to table at home? – And so do the boys know
how to actually farm? – [Yahya] Yes. – So far? – Yes. They love to grow food. We have a backyard
garden, and we also have a community garden in the Lower Ninth Ward in New Orleans that we run. – I love it. And I think that that’s so important because I think that
especially our generation, we’re disconnected from
where our food comes from. I remember when I was
working here in Brooklyn, we would take people to a
farm in upstate New York, and so many people had
not seen food growing out of the ground. It was crazy how many people just like, that’s what corn likes growing? Or that’s what a cucumber
looks like on the stem? And it’s, we’re so detached. And I think that’s a life skill. So that’s amazing. – Yes, definitely. We get people, we have wild mulberry trees around our garden, and
folks will drive past like are y’all supposed to be eating that? (laughing) And we’re like yes, it’s a fruit, and it’s food right in your neighborhood. – Yeah. – And there’s nothing like it, too. Like my grandfather,
you know my grandparents are from the West Indies,
and he definitely had the sugarcane growing in the backyard, and the mangoes falling off the trees. And even at our house in
Brooklyn, he would grow his own little mint
leaves to make tea with and things like that. And it’s nice to see where
everything comes from. And there’s nothing more fresh. – Yes. – I think that this kind of goes in line with you all had decided to
homeschool your children. – Yes. – Which, I think is amazing. I actually kind of touched on that, that our goal is to homeschool Karris. So for parents who are
thinking about homeschooling, what does that look like to set it up? Were there any initial costs associated? Or like what advice would
you give to a parent that says I think I wanna homeschool? – We were super young
starting out as a family, and we’ve homeschooled
the whole way through. So at first I was really
looking at ways to set up a classroom, at that
time it was preschool, set up a classroom in our home without spending as
much, and we got to know a lot in that time. So we were definitely in the dollar stores and in the big box stores, really looking for those little things,
but advice that I would give is to be flexible for sure, because when we’re in traditional schools we kind of are used to
that one curriculum, but as you learn your child
you realize that each child has a different learning
style, and as they grow their learning style can change. And maybe for math they learn one way and in social studies
they learn another way. Also with young children especially, making sure that you’re
hands on with the way that you’re teaching. Allowing them to get outside in nature. Allowing them to be in
gardens and get outside and play and get dirty
like we used to do as kids. – [Tonya] Yeah. – My children now are obsessed with chess. So they’re calling me on the phone, like Mom did you find us a new chess set while you’re traveling? (laughing) But they’re obsessed with
chess, and I think that homeschool really gives
them the opportunity to stretch and grow and figure
out what they really like, and we’re able to give them
access to those things. – [Angela] So you do the teaching? – Yes, me and my husband. – Okay.
– Wow. – That’s amazing. You said you don’t wanna do that, Tonya. – I don’t, mm-mm. And you know, if I had to step in, I will. But … (laughing) – If I have to step in. – If I have to step in. But yeah, my goal is maybe
like a homeschool community. But also, your children,
there’s four of them. Well, there’s three who
are being homeschooled, so they kind of have their
own classroom right there. I think my fear is just
Karris being the only person in his classroom with me, and him not really learning how to deal with other personalities and so forth. I think it’s more of a social
thing than capacity thing. But Amina, you were homeschooled, right? – I was homeschooled for a little bit and I actually really
enjoyed it, the years that I was homeschooled,
mostly middle school. But you know, I think it worked
well with my personality. I still think that you should
probably let your children choose how they want to be
socially around other people, because I think that at
different ages it means different things, and I was homeschooled but I was also in a community
where a lot of other kids were homeschooled, so it
meant that I was never alone. And it wasn’t just like me and my siblings clawing at each other everyday. But I think a thing my
parents did very well, too is that when, if they were
like okay this is hard, and we don’t understand it. And we can’t do that, it’s
okay to bring in outside help. And so I think that
never limiting education for any kind of purposes is important. And also, some kids’ personalities,
like they will thrive in other kinds of environments. So I think it’s just
important to check in. – Yeah, one thing I am big on social is talking about how schooling doesn’t end outside of the classroom,
and that even as a parent, as you mentioned, you visit
big box stores and so forth, and find different learning materials. I think that it costs, it’s so affordable, I was in one store that
had the dollar section, and they had these little
flashcards and everything, and I think that as a
parent, you can still teach your child things at home. You can still work with them. – You should. – And round out whatever
education they’re receiving from whatever you decide, or
whatever method you decide to educate them. And it’s not expensive.
– Absolutely. Absolutely. We are totally community based. New Orleans is just a
very close-knit community, so we have music teachers,
we have language teachers, we have math teachers, really. Others who come in and support us, but we’re their primary teachers. – [Tonya] I love that. I love that you have support. – Now another question to
switch gears a little bit is life insurance, and
life insurance policies. I just got life insurance last year and I never had it before,
because I don’t have children. And people used to tell me,
well if you don’t have kids you don’t really need life insurance, but found out that’s not really true. And you can’t just listen to word of mouth and what other people are telling you. (laughing)
– Turns out. Absolutely not. – So let’s talk about
life insurance policies and why they’re important. – Oh for sure. Life insurance is important for us because you just never
know what’s gonna happen. I travel a lot, I fly a lot, my husband does as well, and making sure that our
children are covered, and when you are an
entrepreneur or self-employed and you’re building a business, for me I wanna make sure that if I leave, if that income is at all affected that my children are well cared for and that even if my husband is gone that I don’t have that
worry and that fear. – Yeah, definitely. – Yeah, one of my friends was telling me her mom has life insurance, and not only does she have life insurance but she already has
paid for her own funeral and has everything planned out. – That’s so responsible. – Right, so that if something happens and you know we should all hope to, our parents want us to outlive them. But if something should
happen, then at least while you’re in the middle of grieving you don’t also have to
worry about finances and planning a funeral. – Yes. My mother-in-law is that way. – Really? – She has herself planned
out, paid, everything is paid. Her husband, everything is paid. And that’s her mindset, is
that my husband’s an only child so if anything were to happen to them, or when, because they’re older. When something happens, she wants him to have as little to
worry about as possible. – And children get life
insurance policies too, right? – Yeah. – [Yahya] Yes, our children are riders. – Oh wonderful, wonderful. Yeah, because I do know
that some people decide to take a life insurance
policy out on their child. I know that’s something
my mom talked to me about, when Karris was born, was
getting a life insurance policy on him and et cetera. And I think we have to
change that frame of mind that because you’re taking
a life insurance policy out on somebody, that you’re
gonna do something harmful to them to cash in the policy. Yes, it happens. But you need to stop watching
those television shows. (laughing) You know, sometimes it is
just solid financial planning. It is really preparing for the future, because things are going to happen. – Yeah. And also bad things happen
all the time, right? That’s the entire business
model of insurance, and it’s a reason that insurance is the backbone of our financial system, because emergencies
happen, and I just like, we’ve all experienced loss and grief and I think that the more you
can make it easy for people in their grieving
process, the easier it is just down the road for everyone. So good planning is always a good idea. – Because I have to say, even when you think
about health insurance, you didn’t think, oh my
parents are gonna get me sick because they got me health
insurance, you know? – I’m gonna use this insurance! – Yeah, I’m gonna get in a car accident because I got auto insurance. No, it’s because you’re
protecting yourself. But I think that– – You’re protecting other people. – Yeah, I think death makes people a little more, it’s just
something that people don’t necessarily like to talk about. – Yeah, but you have to. – Yeah. – You have to plan for that, because it’s something that’s
inevitable for everyone. – Yeah, we’re all born. – Yes, and we all die. What’s really interesting though is it’s also a wealth builder, so my mother-in-law,
she has several policies on my husband, and when we
wanted to start a business she cashed one of those
in and gave us the money. – Oh, wow. – So, yeah. – Mother-in-law, you have
a good mother-in-law. (laughing) – Yes. – I love this. – She’s smart. – She sees all the corners. All the– – She’s a smart lady – And that’s beautiful that she said okay use this to start a business, because I do think that for people who don’t have the
financial means to do things such as contributing to a 529 regularly or putting money aside for their children, when they’re younger maybe
there is an opportunity for you to say you know,
I’m going to do this for you so that you have this
asset available to you in the event of something,
or you can cash in on it now that I’m financially able to do this. So kudos to her. I think more people should aspire to be like your mother-in-law. (laughing) – In some ways. (laughing) – Oh gosh. Do you already have college funds set up for all four of them? – So the 529 is my thoughts
around the college fund because they can use it how they want. So when they get to that age, if they want to go to college, my oldest wants to be an engineer, so of course he’s gonna go to college, but my middle son wants to be a chef. So he can use it for culinary school. – Yeah.
– Yeah. – My four year old wants to be a warrior, so I’m not sure what he needs– (laughing) – Warrior training school. – Not sure what he’s gonna use it for. – That’s so adorable. What do you wanna be? A warrior. Okay! – [Yahya] He wants to be a warrior. – He can be a justice warrior. He can be an attorney. He can be, there’s so many
different type of warriors he could be. – Right? – [Tonya] That’s so adorable though. – We’re gonna go into
today’s Money Meditation. And all of this talk of children I feel is let’s take a trip down memory lane. Everybody, we like to center ourselves when we do the meditation, but for today think back to growing up when you first started
collecting allowance or saving up money you received as a gift. When did you realize
the value of a dollar? What are some of the most
valuable lessons about money that you’ve learned? And if you can recall a
specific piece of advice that help you think about
finances in a new way? And so I think now would
be good for all of us to talk about and meditate
on how do you plan to pass that knowledge on? – That’s, these are so good. As far as what I want
to pass on to Karris, what I’ve learned, being an
entrepreneur has taught me that it’s not necessarily
how hard you work, it’s how smart you work. And so I want to encourage
Karris to be a smart worker, but I think smart work is
hard work for some people, but we all know someone who works hard but is still financially insecure. – Right. – And so I want him to be a smart worker so that he maximizes his abilities and the income he has available to him. Yeah, so that’s what I wanna pass on. – Well, I never got an allowance. Is that crazy? So, I think the value of
money was different for me. The only time I got money
was like my birthday or Chinese New Year, where
we got the red envelopes with money, and I always
looked forward to that, and I would like put
all the money together, put it in the right order,
and then try to save it up. And I think that I wish
I would have been better with money from a younger age. Like, I didn’t open up a bank account probably until I was like 16 years old and did all of that. So I haven’t always had the
best relationship with money or the best experiences, and
so what I would like to do to pass on to the next generation is definitely make sure that
you have a bank account, make sure that you start saving. I wish I would have started my IRA sooner, but I’ve always done things
like invest in a 401K, because I know that that’s money that gets matched at whatever
corporation I work at but there were just so many
things that I didn’t know about that I wish I would have
known about earlier, like even right now I’m still learning how to invest in the stock
market, which I have been doing but I do feel like I’m a late bloomer, but I’m going really hard now. – You know, it’s funny. This really made me think
about I just realized that everything I think about money actually comes from this memory, because I grew up Muslim, and after for all of our big
holidays, after Ramadan, or after Haj, a lot of kids get money. That’s the present that you get. And I remember always getting less money than my brother, because he was a boy, even though I was older. And, you know, because
it’s like African families, boys are important. And my dad never did that. My dad was like very
fair about how he gave all of his children, but I always noticed that other people would do that. It’s like, my brother is
younger, but he always got the most money. – That’s interesting. – And I always saved everything I had, but I think that’s
really, I was really aware that there was a gap. I was like oh, I’m being
treated differently for some way, shape, or form. And it really, that’s something, that’s a cycle that I want to break a lot in the next generation of my family. I’m like, well you know, work is work, and everybody who works
should get paid fairly. And also, I just think a lot
about saving up that money. There was nothing that I wanted to buy, so I used to just hoard money. And we didn’t have a lot of money. And one time my mom needed money. We actually needed money to pay bills and do all these things,
and it made me so happy that I could give that money to her. Even though you know it’s like definitely when you grow out of being a child, you’re like okay, this is
like the financial reality of my family, but I
think that that taught me a lot about saving for emergencies and making sure that you could
be a self-sufficient person especially if you are not a man, and also that you can live a life where you can support yourself. Like you don’t have to
rely on other people to help you all the time, so that’s what I really hope to pass on to the next generation of my family. – I think for me, my parents came into a lot of money when I was really young,
and so I didn’t grow up with this value for
money, because it was like that new money thing, where they would just spend, spend, spend. And I thought that that was the way that it was supposed to be, but as I grew up I realized that while money doesn’t have to be hard to get it’s important to build up
the relationships around you, because of course if you spending like what are you gonna lose it? And eventually they did,
but they didn’t have the great relationships that they needed to get back to where they were. And so what I really wanna
pass on to my children is not necessarily the
secure the bag mindset, but to secure their legacy. To secure their relationships. To secure the people around them so that whether they’re
up or they’re down, they’re able to sustain
and they’re able to grow and grow people as well. – I think that’s important. These are all so different
but they’re all, I think, all valuable lessons. – We all learn different lessons. – Yeah.
– From a young age about money. Well of course we wanna
hear what you came up with so let us know your response to this week’s Money Meditation. All you have to do is post on social media with that hashtag, LiveColorFull. That’s LiveColorFull. F-U-L-L, two Ls at the end of full. So LiveColorFull. And we’ll check it out. – And that’s it for this week. Make sure you check back next week for our final episode of the season, guys. – Wow.
– Yes, I’m excited. – We’ll be going over the
things we wish we knew before starting a business, so tune in next Wednesday
on YouTube, SoundCloud, Spotify, or Apple
Podcast, plus don’t forget you can see every episode
of Color Full Lives on State Farm’s YouTube channel. – Yes, thank you Yahya. – Thank you for joining us. – Thank you. Thank you! (“State Farm Jingle”)

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One Reply to “Color Full Lives Season 5 | Ep. 5: Things I Wish I Knew Before Having Kids | State Farm®”

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