Donald Trump’s Disastrous Hurricane Dorian Response | The Daily Show

The Bahamas has just been hit with one of the worst hurricanes
ever recorded. And with it being reported
that 13,000 homes may have been destroyed, this island nation is gonna need
as much help as they can get. So please donate if you can. Everybody’s gonna need it. And, you know,
whenever I see this, I always ask myself, I go, like, “Why do hurricanes
always destroy the most beautiful places
on Earth?” Like, I wish
hurricanes hit places we actually wanted to rebuild,
you know? Like, why doesn’t a hurricane
hit LaGuardia Airport? Huh? Yeah. That would be great. Then we could start over from
scratch and fix that shithole. -(laughter)
-Anyway, the chances are the hurricane will be like,
“LaGuardia? (bleep) that. No. “They don’t even have a place
to charge your phone. I’m not going there.” So Hurricane Dorian
has slammed into the Bahamas, and now it is headed
towards the U.S. The good news is, President
Trump has a lot of experience handling hurricanes
of this magnitude. The bad news is, he doesn’t
remember any of his experience. NEWSWOMAN:
The president appeared baffled by the storm’s intensity… I’m not sure that I’ve ever
even heard of a Category 5. I knew it existed. NEWSWOMAN:
…even though there have been four Category 5 hurricanes
since he’s been in office. It’s not the first time
he’s claimed surprise about the common term. Category 5. Never heard
about Category 5’s before. Category 5 is big stuff. Category 5. Nobody’s ever heard
of a 5 hitting land. It actually touched down
as a Category 5. People have never…
seen anything like that. I never even knew
a Category 5 existed. Okay, this…
this is just weird, man. Every time
a Category 5 storm comes, Trump acts like
it’s never happened before? It must be so strange working
for Donald Trump. Can you imagine what it’s like,
people just coming in, “Mr. President,
the hurricane is a Category 5.” (like Trump):
“Wow, Category 5. That’s never happened before.” “No, sir,
they happen all the time.” “What does?”
“The Category 5.” “Wow! That’s
never happened before!” (laughter) And I don’t know if Trump
was having a slow weekend, or if the barometric pressure
from the storm did something to his brain,
because not only did he forget how big the storm was, but he
forgot where it was going. NEWSMAN:
The president also misstated the storm’s
possible trajectory. Alabama could even be in for… at least some very strong winds,
and something more than that. It could be. So for Alabama,
just please be careful, also. NEWSMAN: Not long after that,
the National Weather Service corrected the president,
saying Alabama will not see any impacts from Dorian. Yeah. Trump had to be corrected
by the National Weather Service. And I know
we’re used to it by now, but it still amazes me
how often the government has to tell you not to pay
attention to the president. Yeah, Trump is like your friend
who you’re driving home from a wisdom tooth surgery,
he’s all drugged up, yelling crazy shit
out the window, like, “There’s a dragon
in the next car!” It’s like, “No, Donald, that’s
just a hipster with a vape. -Calm down!”
-(laughter) And I-I feel bad
for anyone in Alabama. ‘Cause can you imagine
if people in Alabama heard Trump and they took it seriously? People were probably
saying things that they wouldn’t normally say ’cause they think a hurricane
is coming for them. You can’t take
that shit back. Huh? There’s probably one family
who was loading up the car, like, “Quick, kids,
get the Xbox, let’s go.” It’s like, “What about Grandma?”
“Grandma doesn’t play Fortnite! “Get her out of here!
She’s dead weight! What? No hurricane? All right,
Grandma, I’m sorry about that.” So wherever it’s headed, this
hurricane is serious business. But, unfortunately, serious business is not
Donald Trump’s specialty. While Hurricane Dorian
was hitting the Bahamas, President Trump
was hitting the links. On Monday,
the president played golf at his Trump National Golf Club
in Virginia. Aides say he did receive
hourly briefings on the storm. We should remind you
President Trump had canceled a diplomatic trip to Poland set
to mark the 80th anniversary of the beginning
of World War II, in order, his aides said,
to better monitor the storm. Yep. Many people were outraged
when they found out the president went golfing
as a hurricane barreled down on the east coast
of the United States. But, in Trump’s defense, golf is a great way
to monitor a hurricane. Yeah. You’re just like,
“Uh, I think it’s coming. I think it’s coming.
Is it?” You’re just like, “Let me see.
(makes whooshing sound) “Oh, that went way off. “Yeah, that’s the hurricane.
that’s not me. The hurricane’s close.” So when it comes to hurricanes, President Trump doesn’t remember
the category, he doesn’t know
where they’re going, and he’s not even really
paying attention. Luckily, he does have a way
to stop them. TV REPORTER: As Dorian churns,
so are ideas about how to stop hurricanes
in their tracks. Why? This report in Axios, that President Trump suggested
on multiple occasions that national security
officials explore disrupting the storms by dropping a nuke right into
the middle of them. Now, during a recent
White House briefing, Axios quotes
the president saying, “I got it, I got it,
why don’t we nuke them? “They start forming off
the coast of Africa, “as they’re moving across
the Atlantic, “we drop a bomb inside
the eye of the hurricane “and it disrupts it. Why can’t we do that?” Well, the briefer reportedly
replied, “We’ll look into it.” (laughter) Something tells me
Trump hears the phrase, “We’ll look into it”
about 50 times a day. He just says random shit like, (mimics Trump): “What if Oreos
had the cream on the outside and the cookie on the inside?” (normal voice):
“Uh, we’ll look into it, sir.” (laughter) Now, as president,
you should know that nuking a hurricane is
a terrible idea, all right. Not only will it
not stop the hurricane, but now you have nuclear fallout
being spread by 200-mile an hour winds. The stuff’s gonna go everywhere. It’s like taking a dump
into an open Vitamix. It’s not a good idea. Not to mention the effects
on the ocean. You’ve got nuclear waste going– I mean, Osama bin Laden
is in the ocean. You drop a nuke,
next thing you know, you’re 20 dealing with
Godzilla bin Laden. You don’t know what
that shit will do. (laughter) So, look. I know people get mad when they see Trump playing golf
as a hurricane is closing in, but after everything
we’ve heard, I think the less involved
Trump is with this hurricane,
the better it is. Think about it.
He doesn’t know how big it is. He doesn’t know
where it’s going, and he’s got some batshit ideas
for stopping it. So I say
let the man play his golf, because if we don’t
there’s a good chance Trump ends up nuking Alabama.

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